Recently in fatherhood Category

I was laying on the bed last night, snuggling the Bug, watching Pooh's Heffalump Halloween movie (his current favorite title), when ..

.. out of the blue, he turns around, looks me in the eye and says (with a big smile and a sparkle in his eyes), "I *like* you, dada.

Totally unexpected. Caught me completely off-guard. I felt disabled for 5 or 6 seconds .. like a fish flopping on the deck. Couldn't even talk.

The inflection in his voice conveyed a genuine enthusiasm. His words went deep, penetrating.

He'd already ate dinner and had his bath. So we were just chillin' .. winding down, spending time being close. (Good snuggler, he is.)

I still don't entirely understand my reaction. Maybe my defenses were down (being late in the day), and that's why his comment had such an unusual effect.

Logged into my Paypal account today, planning to move fund$ (from my checking account) .. in preparation for paying this month's web hosting fee (with our new provider) .. when I noticed...

.. there was already plenty of cash in the account. (Woohoo!) How did it get in there?

You might've noticed the small Make a Donation button .. found in the left side-bar (have to scroll down). As you know, I don't solicit donations. But if readers feel inspired, there it is.

Timely Donations

Several generous readers donated amounts ranging from $50 to $100 (less a small percentage Paypal keeps for their trouble). Boy, was I stoked!

Funny how donations always seem to arrive when they're needed most.

As a side note, I find it interesting that most donations (by far) come from » Texans. Why is that? Are they more generous than most? .. or drawn more strongly to the site? I have lived in many states, but Texas isn't one of them. So I can't say for sure.

Priorities & Sacrifice

Speaking of money .. all my life, cash was never a problem. I mean (not to brag), I was earning close to $100K fifteen years ago .. (back when 100K was still 100K). I paid ca$h for a Porsche (the Rad-mobile) .. back in the '80's. Even at age 11, I was delivering newspapers 7 days a week. So I've always had plenty of spending-cash .. for long as I can recall.

But ever since I started going to court a few years ago .. well, that wiped me out. And you can't work nuclear just any ol' place. Reactors aren't found on every street corner, or in every town. (Or even in every state.)

Moms might be different, but I don't think dads can really know what type of parent they will be .. until actually faced with fatherhood.

I mean, certainly we all aspire to excel at one of life's most important roles .. but until we put hand to task, our preconceptions represent little more than wishful thinking.

A friend told me yesterday, "I always knew you'd be a good dad -- an *excellent* dad -- but you have exceeded even my expectations."

"How did you know?" I interrupted, fishing for more compliments, ".. that I'd be a good dad?" (Cuz I didn't know myself.)

"I just knew," he answered, declining to elaborate.

At the time, I was talking on my cell, walking at the Back Bay. (I have a small, but supportive network of friends I can call to help deal with things.)

The Back Bay is where I usually go after I give the Bug back to his mom, and can't see him for several days. Hiking in nature helps me process the feelings of loss that come from missing him.

There I saw a bobcat .. my first-ever out in the wild. Strikingly beautiful animal. Dark colors. Pointy ears. He did not seem alarmed by crossing paths with a human, passing within 15 feet (5 meters).

A lady following some distance behind said he was one of three offspring born several months ago, and that the mother-bobcat was much lighter in color. I know it sounds corny, but the sighting made the day feel special .. like when I spy dolphins, or a whale.

Sometimes, after I give the Bug back, it feels like my heart is ripped apart .. but this week was different. I felt *good* .. a sense of accomplishment .. satisfied I had done a good job, and content he was happy and developing well.

Ever have one of those days where everything seems to be "clicking" for you?

While pulling into the (crowded) lot at the coffee shop this morning, I spied the ideal corner spot. But another car (from the opposite direction) beat me to it. Drat!

I looked around. No other space was even close. So I put the car in reverse. But instead of pulling into the spot, the guy in the SUV backed up, then went forward and drove off.

While passing, he motioned me forward and called out, saying (with a big smile), "Go ahead! You guys are worth it."

Before leaving, I mosied over to his table and thanked him for making my day. "Nice way to start the day," I said.

Sitting across from him was his friend, who related a story where, after pulling into a parking spot at a taco joint yesterday (up in LA), he heard (while talking on his cell) someone pounding on his trunk, saying, "You took my space." We all had a good laugh.