Ye Olde Rad Blog III

Sold the Porsche

2008-05-07T01:16:04Z

Sold the Rad-mobile today. I've driven that car every day for 22 years. (When I find something I like, I stick with it.) Bought it when I was living in Pennsylvania (1986) when the car was 2 years old ($32K). Previously owned by a doctor's wife.

Last week I noticed the engine sagging slighty. Took me a few days to figure out why. A part called the motor mount bracket had broken ($450, just for the part).

My buddy, Big Al, stopped over this morning to take a look. He's an ex crew chief for race cars. Builds race cars for a living. He said the bracket would not be easy to replace.

We'd have to do what is called a partial engine-drop. He also said not to drive the car, cuz the dang engine could fall out.

So I placed an ad on Craig's List. Within the hour, phone rang. Guy named Alex asked how much I thought the car was worth. I really had no idea, given the condition of the car (undriveable).

But I threw out a number I'd be happy with. Alex said, "If you're willing to sell for that, I'll come over right now and buy it sight unseen."

Well, he did. Him and his buddy. Car left a few hours ago on a flatbed. It all went so very fast. (Made me dizzy.) One minute Big Al was ready to fix the car for me; the next (it seems), it was gone.

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I must say, Alex seemed to know exactly what he was looking at. He wasn't bothered by the poor cosmetic condition of the car. I mean, I didn't even have time to clean it. I was kinda embarrased by all the cheerios on the floor (from the Bug).

Alex designs watches for Oakley. So if you're wearing one of their thermonuclear watches, it might be one of his designs. His wife is expecting (boy) next week. (His first.)

He said, "I just want a car to roll down to the beach on the weekend .. with the top off." His buddy told me, "White is his favorite color."

It was obvious he knew exactly what he wanted (a white 911), and he was willing to look past poor cosmetics (and a broken motor mount bracket) to see the mechanical potential beneath.

It's hard to ask for a high price when you're selling a car that has to be towed away (altho it *would* run), but folks say I got a fair price. Alex certainly seemed pleased. I'm feeling melancholy. Been thru a lot with that car. But the car is really better off with him. I have neither the time nor money it needs. (I feel like crying.)

One good thing .. the Bug was able -- for the first 3 years of his life -- to tootle around town in a 911 .. with the top off .. sitting right beside me (not in the back seat) .. his hair blowing in the salty breeze .. sun on his face.

For more along these lines, here's a Google search preconfigured for the query » porsche 911 carrera

Day 3 - No Coffee: Withdrawal Symptoms

2008-04-29T04:05:31Z

Day 3 with no coffee. This is where I usually cave. And to be honest, if it weren't so freaking hot today, I probably would've.

But drinking coffee (espresso) isn't very appealing when it's so dang hot. (Heat wave here.) Thank God for global warming.

I was working earlier on the new Guide to Virtual Private Servers, yawning, with the intellectual drive of a mad cow.

The coffee demon was jumping up-n-down on my shoulder .. reminding me how blissful I would feel after downing a triple-shot, and how much mental energy it would give me. (It would.)

But the temperate angel was perched on the other side, reminding me I'd have to tell everybody (here) what a big, fat failure I was. (Again.)

So I made it another day. (Barely.) And the previous entry here gave enough pause to help keep me from falling off the wagon. Getting by day-3 is a major accomplishment for me.

Funny how the addict's brain works to get its fix. Today for example, I couldn't locate a book I'd checked out from the library (for the Bug). My first thought » "Must've left it at the coffee shop." (I read stories to him there.)

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Should I call and ask if they've seen it? "No, we must go there!" Fortunately, I found the book before leaving, cuz I could see where that was heading.

My whole body aches. Sore everywhere. My joints are creaking. I rubbed some Ben Gay into my right shoulder and took a couple Advil. Feeling spacey. Out of sorts, like somebody poured a bucket of cement into my skull.

So tired I could lay down and take a nap on the sidewalk. Withdrawal symptoms can't get any worse, right?

For more along these lines, here's a Google search for the query » coffee caffeine withdrawal symptoms

Quitting Coffee: Revisited

2008-04-27T03:56:44Z

Coffee. I am so addicted. If you've been Radified any length of time, you know I've tried quitting before (numerous times), succeeding only in achieving a splitting headache.

It's not so much the flavor I like, as the buzz. The amperage. The drive.

I have no qualms with drinking coffee per se. Rather it's the 'addicted' part that bothers me. Drinking coffee cuz we want to is fine. But drinking it because we have to is .. uh, hard to justify.

Actually, I drink espresso (less volume in my stomach). Usually a triple. This time will be different. (Yeah, I know I've said that before, too.) But I really have a good feeling about it.

"Why should this time be any different?" you ask. Cuz now I have a secret weapon. =)

Normally these detox endeavors begin with a 30-day goal, which is quickly revised down to "a week," and end up lasting a few days. (If that.)

Some advise a gradual weaning .. to help minimize headaches. "Weaning is for wimps," I tell them (usually squinting thru a blinding headache).

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Headache arrived at noon today. (Hello old friend.) "How many days have I gone without?" you ask. Uh, one. =/

Update (Sunday) - Make that 'two'. First 3 days are usually the worst. I'm avoiding the coffee shop altogether. In the past, I've gone there, planning to order herb tea, but standing at the counter, I hear the words, "Triple espresso, please," exit my mouth. ("Who said that?")

Or they already have my regular drink waiting. Or someone offers to buy (which is hard to resist, if not downright rude to reject). Feeling pretty 'relaxed' today (sleepy). Yesterday was baby headache. Today, big daddy arrived. =/

Castaways Park + Newport Beach Harbor

2008-04-24T01:58:23Z

Have a special treat for you today. Took my digital camera along for a stroll thru Castaways Park (here in Newport Beach), where I snapped a few photos.

Been meaning to do this for a while now. (Share this.)

Castaways is a great place to go and think. The park sits up on a bluff (25 acres), overlooking Newport Harbor, and the upper Back Bay. A nice breeze usually blows up there (off the Pacific).

I go there often .. to help clear my head. Photos taken Sunday (20th), shortly before sunset.

Oops, almost forgot the linkage. Here ya go » Castaways Park, Newport Beach. And here's a larger, higher-quality version (100-KB) » Newport Harbor

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Given the stratospheric cost of real estate in Newport Beach, if you tried to value this 25-acre plot, you'd no-doubt arrive at an a$tronomic figure.

For more along these lines, here's a Google search preconfigured for the query » castaways park newport beach california

Rad Apache Mojo via Mod_Rewrite Engine

2008-04-22T01:30:12Z

Woohoo! I worked some Apache mojo today to "alias" the file-name of this home page (index2.html) to » index.rad.

That's so cool! Thanks to Nigel (Ghost Developer from New Zealand) for holding my hand. Here's the code I used to work this magic (added to .htaccess file):

RewriteEngine on
RewriteRule ^index.rad index2.html

Thus far, this technique has only been applied to the home page (starting with a baby-step). But in the future, I'd like to expand its use .. to 'radify' other key pages.

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This application of the rewrite mod is purely cosmetic, but with considerable 'cool' factor (Radness). I am stoked! Sometimes these little things get me excited. Feel like a kid in a candy store.

Update: Boy, it would be easy to get carried away with this. Check out what I did with the splash page » splash.rad

Now all I need to do now is change the links on thousands of pages that currently point to the homepage (as index2.html) .. to » index.rad

For more along these lines, here's a Google search for the query » apache mod_rewrite web page extension htaccess

Rad Web Design Studio

2008-04-21T00:57:59Z

It has been a week since the home page was redesigned .. with a new table-less layout. Have you gotten used to it yet? Like it? (I'm diggin' it.) Been making slight tweaks here and there...

.. such as adding left-padding to the graphics in the center section, to keep text from butting up against images.

This padding also adds a slight indent (6 pixels) to the yellow tri-blade radiation symbols which begin each post.

Speaking of design .. I got a call from somebody saying they wanted to hire me to redesign their web site. (Cool.) My nuclear training instilled in me the notion that I need to know everything about everything before doing anything professionally.

Which might be true in the nuclear world, but friends say that ain't how the real world works, and that I already know more than enough to do web design professionally.

And I must admit, after reading (studying) those excellent books (» Head First XHTML/CSS, » CSS Mastery & » Dreamweaver: The Missing Manual), I *do* feel comfortable wielding web design mojo.

So if you know somebody who needs web work, I'm available. (And cheap.) I don't know PHP yet, but that's coming. Rad Web Design .. has a nice ring, no?

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Heck, I could even host sites, since that's what our new VPS server is set up to do. Rad Web Hosting. =)

Looking for small projects .. where I can exceed expectations. Wordsmithing is where I really shine (technical writing), as I seem to have a knack for that.

On a radder note, I been researching how to use Apache mod_rewrite to change the file-name of the home page (currently index2.html) to » index.rad. Wouldn't that be cool? (Very Rad.) I like that kind of stuff.

Rad's Nuclear Grade Pasta Puttanesca Recipe

2008-04-20T00:20:23Z

Have a special treat for you today .. my world-famous Puttanesca recipe. Puttanesca is a dirty word, so you must be 18 to read.

I've sent this recipe countless times via email. Finally decided to copy-n-paste it into a webpage .. to share with the world. See here » Rad's Nuclear Grade Puttanesca (I'm eating a bowl right now.)

For more along these lines, here's a Google search preconfigured for the query » pasta puttanesca recipe

"I Like You, Dada"

2008-04-18T00:10:51Z

I was laying on the bed last night, snuggling the Bug, watching Pooh's Heffalump Halloween movie (his current favorite title), when ..

.. out of the blue, he turns around, looks me in the eye and says (with a big smile and a sparkle in his eyes), "I *like* you, dada.

Totally unexpected. Caught me completely off-guard. I felt disabled for 5 or 6 seconds .. like a fish flopping on the deck. Couldn't even talk.

The inflection in his voice conveyed a genuine enthusiasm. His words went deep, penetrating.

He'd already ate dinner and had his bath. So we were just chillin' .. winding down, spending time being close. (Good snuggler, he is.)

I still don't entirely understand my reaction. Maybe my defenses were down (being late in the day), and that's why his comment had such an unusual effect.

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Whatever the reason, that feeling lingers today. I can still hear those words, and see that sparkle in his eyes.

Seems weird a 3-year old can have such an effect on me. Last time something like that happened was in second grade, when a girl gave me my first kiss.

"Well, I like you, too," I finally said, giving him a big hug.

Memory Limit Exceeded on Our New VPS

2008-04-17T04:35:58Z

We exceeded the memory limit on our new VPS today (for the first time). Our current memory limit is 384-MB (256-regular + 128-upgrade).

I noticed the forums set the record today for most guests ever online at one time. So maybe that has something to do with it. See » here. [More info here.]

New Table-less Layout for Rad Homepage (Based on CSS Mojo)

2008-04-11T13:00:06Z

Note: today's entry applies to the site home page (not this blog entry page).

Notice anything different? The old/previous design was based on pre-XHTML standards mark-up .. which I had *converted* to XHTML-valid (using Dreamweaver). But the guts still contained a table-based layout (kludge).

The layout of this page however, is not based on tables (rather » on CSS). My new CSS page (if you're interested) is aqui » radified_xhtml2.css.

Been meaning to start over from scratch and layout this page based on CSS .. ever since I started upgrading my web design skills.

Now that the site is busy enough to require a VPS, I figure we probably oughta have a homepage laid-out with CSS. (Modern.)

So I finally just put my head down and went for it. Spur-of-the-moment decision. More involved than I expected. A million little details required attention .. in order to massage current content (you see here) into the new layout. And once I start a project like this, I don't like to stop until it's done. (Worked 'til 1AM.)

This CSS-based layout will let me tweak the design more easily as my CSS skills (continue to) develop.

I chose that bluish-green color (sidebars) cuz I was searching for a link-color that doesn't distract from reading this normal gray text.

The old light-blue links I was using before were so bright (on a black background) they jumped out .. which I found distracting, since I tend to use copious linkage. (Design should complement content .. not overpower it, right?) But sometimes we don't notice things, until we're looking for them. My design-aim was/is to present a content-focused website.

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Once I determined the link-color, I used it to fill in the sidebars .. where it would "play-off" and highlight the links. Doubt you'll find many sites using this color scheme. (Rad original.) I like its simplicity » black, white & blue, with a splash of yellow for the tri-blade radiation symbols that begin each post.

But this change is more about layout (converting to CSS-based) than design. As you can see, I endeavored to keep the page design basically the same, so the change wouldn't be too shocking. I read a marketing study that claimed people tend to reject things that change more than 10% .. even when that change represents an improvement. In other words, incremental changes are tolerated best.

This redesign is a big deal. It's the first time I've redesigned the homepage since .. well, I can't remember the last time. It was shortly after I switched over and started using Dreamweaver (after abandoning Frontpage). I prefer designs that are understated .. and dark (easy on the eyes).

If you are reading this entry in the blog (you are, now), which is weird, cuz this entry is talking about another page, I should note that styling the blog is more complicated than styling a regualr webpage, which is why this blog is NOT dark. But I will eventually learn.

The buttons in both sidebars were created using pure CSS mojo. Nice, subtle roll-over effect. Looks like a light comes on.

I also added the dotted-underline (bottom-border) to the links in the center section .. since lack of an underline is considered bad for accessibility (colorblind people can't distinguish non-underlined links). I like the way these links aren't so jarring. (Subtle, yet clearly links.)

Hopefully, the new design doesn't make you wanna heave. The coloring is admittedly unconventional. I'll probably continue to refine things (like adding rounded corners) as my skills develop. The foundation mark-up/code for this page actually came from the new VPS guide I've been working on. (Notice the similarities?)

Confidence in my ability to wield CSS has grown considerably. I'm no wizard, but comfortable working the mojo. No longer does it seem like a black art. Sometimes I'm surprised when it actually works. =)

Been waiting for the right time to do this. And now seemed like the right time. (Kinda surprised myself when I went for it so late in the day.) I have a vague feel for the design I want .. but nothing concete. Ideas come incrementally .. based on each change I make .. so everything tends to work together.

It's actually easier for me to see what doesn't work .. like the color of that rollover link in the center section. Okay, I changed it. That works better .. slightly brighter on rollover .. same color .. similar effect as he sidebar buttons. I also removed the underline upon rollover. (That was bugging me.)

Overall, I'm pleased with it. And I especially like that it doesn't look like any other site. If nothing else, I've always strove to provide unique content. Design should be no different. In the future, I'd like to move toward a "cleaner" homepage design.

For more along these lines, here's a Google search preconfigured for the query » tableless css layout xhtml standards

Began New Rad Guide to Virtual Private Servers (VPS)

2008-04-09T02:08:21Z

Finally have a couple of pages to show you .. regarding the new » Guide to Virtual Private Servers. Been a long time since I cranked out a new Rad guide. Feels good. Tho tired now.

It's still a work-in-progress (WIP), but I have a good start on it. The research has already been done (which is the time-consuming part). And the site has already been moved/upgraded, so I have first-hand experience (which we prize) to accompany the research. All that remains » documentation.

I like the idea of this guide. Has a certain coolness, no? Much easier for me to put my head down and plow thru a guide when it has cool-factor.

VPS is all about speed, power & control. (Nearly synonymous with Porsche.) Oozes cool .. (in a geeky-kinda way). Guessing I can have it done in 10 pages. But I keep thinking of more things I should include. So maybe 10 won't be enough?

Planning to include everything *I* would've liked to know .. back when I began my research. It will be a cool guide. Ultra-practical. (Radified.)

Speaking of cool .. if you use Firefox (and who doesn't these days?), and you like things dark .. check out this theme, called » NASA Night Launch. Browsing the forums with a NASA-theme'd Firefox is .. heaven (at night). =)

If you don't hear from me for a few days, I'll be working on the VPS guide. (Update - Just added a 3rd page.)

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Generous Paypal Donations + Rad Finances & Learning Frugality

2008-04-01T13:20:53Z

Logged into my Paypal account today, planning to move fund$ (from my checking account) .. in preparation for paying this month's web hosting fee (with our new provider) .. when I noticed...

.. there was already plenty of cash in the account. (Woohoo!) How did it get in there?

You might've noticed the small Make a Donation button .. found in the left side-bar (have to scroll down). As you know, I don't solicit donations. But if readers feel inspired, there it is.

Timely Donations

Several generous readers donated amounts ranging from $50 to $100 (less a small percentage Paypal keeps for their trouble). Boy, was I stoked!

Funny how donations always seem to arrive when they're needed most.

As a side note, I find it interesting that most donations (by far) come from » Texans. Why is that? Are they more generous than most? .. or drawn more strongly to the site? I have lived in many states, but Texas isn't one of them. So I can't say for sure.

Priorities & Sacrifice

Speaking of money .. all my life, cash was never a problem. I mean (not to brag), I was earning close to $100K fifteen years ago .. (back when 100K was still 100K). I paid ca$h for a Porsche (the Rad-mobile) .. back in the '80's. Even at age 11, I was delivering newspapers 7 days a week. So I've always had plenty of spending-cash .. for long as I can recall.

But ever since I started going to court a few years ago .. well, that wiped me out. And you can't work nuclear just any ol' place. Reactors aren't found on every street corner, or in every town. (Or even in every state.)

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Since being discharged from the military, all my jobs have been "temporary" (by definition). Which means they all (eventually) come to an end. (The idea of passing thru the same portal every day 'til I retired seemed .. uh, unappealing.)

The world of rent-a-nuke paid well » offering lotsa hours (often 72/week) .. with lucrative hourly rates » and little time to spend. Enough time only to work & deposit pay checks.

So, what to do now? Go back East? And make the big bucks for a season? (Since no more nuke jobs here.) And leave the Bug in the process? .. and hope he'll be still here when I return from a stint? Uh, something tells me that's not a good idea. So he's my priority right now.

Adapting & Empathizing

I find this having-no-money phase a very different experience. I was certainly no millionaire, but if there was ever a new toy I wanted (like building a new computer for myself), cost was never a concern. I've never had to sacrifice before (not financially).

Long-time Rad readers may recall when the site's subtext (found at the top of the home page) read » Indulge Your Technolust. Now it reads Nuclear Grade Technolust. That's cuz I'm doing far more lusting these days than indulging. Fortunately, lots of cool technology is available for free .. as I'm finding.

Altho having-no-money definitely suks, it's not an altogether bad thing. Cuz it's forcing me to develop a new set of skills (frugality), which I've never had to do before. As you know, it's easier to make a bad decision if you never learn to factor in finances.

We all need, for example, to be able to work within a budget, and should be able to empathize with those less-fortunate .. something I could never do .. until recently.

The idea of a bad-thing, I learned, is nearly always worse than the bad-thing itself. We are more resilient & resourceful than we suspect .. and capable of far more than we imagine.

Just yesterday, for example, I stopped by Trader Joes .. to pick up a loaf of bread, chunk of cheese, soap, shampoo & toothpaste. I also wanted to get a bag of potato chips. (The Bug likes chips.) But I put them back, cuz they weren't necessary. (Priorities.) Never had to do that before.

I've learned to rent DVDs from the library (for a buck) rather than pay ten at the theater .. and to check out books there as well (for free), rather than buy them. I'm being forced to learn how to do more with le$$ (and I'm doing it).

I eat more rice-n-beans (and oatmeal). The prayer that says "Give us this day our daily bread," seems more meaningful now. These are skills others have developed long ago. I'm playing catch-up. And of course, I should note people have been more generous than I could ever convey.

Sure, I'd like to be able to take the Bug to Disneyland (Happiest Place on Earth, right up the road) for his birthday, and visit Mickey's fun-house, and go on the Pooh ride .. but at nearly a hundred bucks a pop, that's out of my budget. No, I'm not grumbling. Cuz I'm grateful for what I *do* have. (He is beautiful.)

Effects of Troubled Housing Market in SoCal

On a related note, the downturn in the housing market here in SoCal is causing financial hardships for many (along with the stress such hardship brings). Newport Beach is one of the country's wealthiest zip-codes.

At church Sunday, the worship leader mentioned how he personally knew several people who were losing their homes and filing for bankruptcy and/or divorce.

He asked those in the congregation, who might be in a similar situation, to raise their hands, so he could pray for them. I probably shouldn't have looked around, but I'm a curious guy, and couldn't help but notice how many hands went up. I have an idea what these people are going thru .. cuz I've been there for a while now.

Nevertheless, I'm confident the Bug would gladly go without potato chips, or a trip to Disneyland .. long as he can keep seeing his dad. (Priorities.)

Speaking of the Bug & church .. you shoulda seen him Sunday morning. I take him way up front .. to one of the first few rows. We stay only for the singing part. (The bongos are his favorite instrument.)

Praise & Worship with the Bug

Some people, as you know, raise their hands during worship. The Bug imitates them by pointing (quite emphatically) to the different colored stage-lights, mounted in the overhead above. He thinks he can make them change colors (like others around us) by pointing at them. Sometimes he cracks me up.

Standing in the row directly behind us was a (sharply dressed) black man (muscular) and a big momma (white) .. you know, like Momma Cass. Boy could they sing! .. especially big momma. She was wailin' her lungs out. Full tilt worship. What a voice. Thought I was in heaven. I wanna sit in front of her every Sunday. =)

While I held the Bug in my arms .. it was like heaven on earth .. especially when they started singing Shout to the Lord (final song, written by Aussie girl). The place was rockin'. (Can still hear it now.) Tears ran down my cheeks. Very moving. (Must confess tho, I take him there more for the great playgrounds .. than any spiritual reason.)

Afterwards the Bug whispers, "Is it time to go play now?" .. "Yeah," I say. "Lets go." He bolts.

Insight & Encouragement

Anyway, I could write volumes on this topic, but I'll simply leave you with a note from one of the contributors. (I ask them all where they're from, what they like about the site, and why they contributed. I also apologize for not writing sooner.) See here (I added the links):

Rad,

Your site has taught me many things over the years. A little donation was the least I could do. I like the guides and software articles (especially the ones that highlight useful freeware tools and utilities).

It was your March 15th posting about resource usage that prompted the donation. In that post you indicated the site was pushing the 384-MB memory limit, and an additional 64-MB would be $7.50/month. I simply calculated an extra 64-MB for 12 months. Hence the $90.00 figure. But the donation is yours to do with as you see fit.

I'm an Australian who now lives and works in New York City (Manhattan) as a lawyer. (I suspect, not your favourite class of citizen these days.) Having grown up on the beaches of Sydney, I envy your location. I've been out of Australia for 17 years now, but still miss the beach.

I've followed your trials & tribulations with the Bug, and really do hope things work out for you such that you continue to have consistent, quality time with him.

Best Wishes
A.D.

Couldn't help but notice Mr. D based his donation on » RAM .. obviously a man after my own heart. =) Thanks guys.

Two Months Worth of Daily Entries Converted to Blog + New Quick-Reply, Quick-Quote Mod(ification) for YaBB Forum

2008-03-26T18:38:51Z

I transferred 2 months worth of daily entries (Dec 2007 + Jan 2008) to individual blog entries, using (older) Movable Type v3.35, since that was the version I was using when those entries were made.

It's much easier to reference (via linkage) a particular event .. such as the upgrade to YaBB v2.2 (which did not go well) .. or the Bug's 3rd birthday (which did) .. when I have a daily entry to link to (instead of monthly).

Back in December & January is when I was researching VPS servers, and didn't have time to convert the daily entries to blog entries...

.. after Lunarpages (you might recall) booted us off the server (end of November), and I was worried they were gonna turn off the lights and pull our plug.

But now we're all caught up. (Took me all day, tho. Tedious maximus.) Only the last 2 days don't have blog entries.

Blog entries are also better for search engines, since each page can indexed individually (with its own title).

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New Quick-Reply, Quick-Quote Mod(ification)

Also installed a new (updated) "Quick-Reply, Quick-Quote" mod in the Rad Community forums .. made especially for YaBB v2.2.1 (which we use). I like it a lot. (This used to be two separate mods.)

It allows you to modify the size of the Post/Reply box (both height + width), and also the font size (by clicking +/- signs in lower right-hand corner). Pretty cool mod(ification), especially if your eyes aren't so great. (I prefer 13-pixel.)

All I have remaining now is to style the new blog (MTOS v4.1). What do you think of the current (default) design/style? It's not bad, except for the eyeball-searing white. I really like the title font.

Frontline Special » Bush's War + Tom's New Blog » Experience Points

2008-03-24T17:41:23Z

Frontline airs the first of a 2-part special tonight, titled » Bush's War (the war which will define the Bush presidency) .. to mark the 5th anniversary of the Iraq invasion. (Part II airs tomorrow night.)

If you miss it, you can catch this (and other Frontline specials) online. See here » Watch Frontline Online.

Frontline is my favorite TV show. Besides no commercials (PBS), and a decidedly understated approach, they manage to uncover facts you simply can't find anywhere else (based on more than 400 interviews) ...

.. which helps us become better-informed citizens.

I also like the way they present their findings .. as objectively as possible, focusing more on the facts than trying to sway the audience .. allowing us to draw our own conclusions. And I like their narrator, too » Will Lyman.

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Tom's Blog: Experience Points

On a geekier note, my rock-climbing buddy (Tom) and two of his cohorts started a blog .. on blogspot .. called Experience Points. They are having lotsa fun with it. See here » Experience Points.

I offered to host a site of their own, based on Movable Type Open Source (way more powerful than blogspot) .. similar to what I did for/with NightOwl. All they would need is to buy a domain name. Our new VPS is set-up for hosting.

I went over Tom's house this weekend .. to watch Into the Wild (again). Both he and his wife (Steph) have read the book. The next morning at the coffee shop we had a big discussion about the movie. I like how he is able to disagree with getting offended.

Tom is from Kentucky. Steph is from New York (state). Both are on their second marriage, and both are hard-core climbers. Both are health-conscious. Steph is a great cook, who focuses on fixing healthy cuisine. They're good at making me feel welcome. Did I mention they have a Plasma TV .. with 5-channel Surround Sound?

What Type of Dad Will I Be? A Rad Perspective on Fatherhood

2008-03-23T18:51:14Z

Moms might be different, but I don't think dads can really know what type of parent they will be .. until actually faced with fatherhood.

I mean, certainly we all aspire to excel at one of life's most important roles .. but until we put hand to task, our preconceptions represent little more than wishful thinking.

A friend told me yesterday, "I always knew you'd be a good dad -- an *excellent* dad -- but you have exceeded even my expectations."

"How did you know?" I interrupted, fishing for more compliments, ".. that I'd be a good dad?" (Cuz I didn't know myself.)

"I just knew," he answered, declining to elaborate.

At the time, I was talking on my cell, walking at the Back Bay. (I have a small, but supportive network of friends I can call to help deal with things.)

The Back Bay is where I usually go after I give the Bug back to his mom, and can't see him for several days. Hiking in nature helps me process the feelings of loss that come from missing him.

There I saw a bobcat .. my first-ever out in the wild. Strikingly beautiful animal. Dark colors. Pointy ears. He did not seem alarmed by crossing paths with a human, passing within 15 feet (5 meters).

A lady following some distance behind said he was one of three offspring born several months ago, and that the mother-bobcat was much lighter in color. I know it sounds corny, but the sighting made the day feel special .. like when I spy dolphins, or a whale.

Sometimes, after I give the Bug back, it feels like my heart is ripped apart .. but this week was different. I felt *good* .. a sense of accomplishment .. satisfied I had done a good job, and content he was happy and developing well.

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Still haven't been able to figure out why I get so sad sometimes, after he leaves. Of course, I never wanna see him go, but sometimes I get downright disoriented .. and feel like I'm floating out in the middle of the ocean somewhere. Hard to describe. Nor can I predict when I'll feel good (like now), just a little sad, or disoriented.

After he leaves, I have this feeling like » "Okay, what's it gonna be this time?" Cuz I never know from week to week. But this week I felt the best ever (after he left).

He's grown a little bigger. Must've had a growth spurt. (Noticeably taller.) And I really like that he is good at expressing what he likes, and what he doesn't (like).

We played catch with a frisbee this week. Not a regular plastic frisbee .. but rather one of those big, cloth-covered things, about half the size of a hula hoop.

The thing is nearly big as he is, but he can throw it surprisingly well .. accurate enough to hit me in the chest 3 times in a row .. from 12 feet away .. tho I still have to fetch an occasional errant throw, and he still can't catch it, no matter how accurately I throw it to him.

But something about playing catch with the big (cloth-covered) frisbee was very cool. My buddy Battman used to drive up to Laguna Beach every few weeks, and we'd go "toss the frisbee," at a local park, where we'd have long discussions. For us, this was a form of "therapy."

Having lived in many different states (over the years) has allowed me to toss frisbees all over the country .. since they were first invented .. and even out of the country.

In Hawaii, I'd time my tosses to lead the Dog into a big wave .. at Waimea (on the North Shore) .. so that, in order to catch the frisbee, the Dog would get clobbered .. by a big wave.

The best throws were those where the frisbee, the Dog, and the wave all converged at the same time (and the same place). Blammo! The Dog would catch it, and get clobbered by an 8-foot wall of water, just before it broke on the beach. (You can do that kind of stuff when you're 21 years old. We rarely chickened-out.)

[Rad note: Waves are big in the winter on the North Shore, and big in the summer on the South Shore. But the *biggest* waves are those which come in winter .. to the North Shore.]

So frisbee-tossing and I go back many years. You won't find it listed in any official manual, but (to me), this is one of the key developmental milestones.

Oddly enough, I also feel that not-being-able to see the Bug every day (like normal parents) has made me a better dad .. cuz I appreciate more our (limited) time together. Funny how things work out.

So, am I good dad? I'll let others answer. This much I can say » I *do* try hard. I pour everything I have into that boy. After he leaves for the week (on Friday, or Sunday night), it takes me a day-or-so to recover.

No doubt, you've heard the phrase "pay attention." The word "pay" implies attention costs you something. Look at the photo at the top of this page. That guy is paying attention. (And that beach looks a lot like Crescent Bay in Laguna Beach.)

I try to pay attention to the Bug, give him lots of affection, try to anticipate his every need and empathize. At the top of our list » fun. Laughter is the sign I am succeeding. I feel good about the dad I've become. (At least, today.)

For more along these lines, here's a Google search preconfigured for the query » fatherhood+dad+visitation+parent