"I want my mommy."

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The Bug woke last night, crying, "I want my mommy". Very unusual. That's only happened a handful of times in the last 4 years .. usually when he was nursing or sick. But he's no longer nursing and doesn't seem sick.

Jungle BookI tried for 10 or 15 minutes to see if there was something I could do. But it was clear he really wanted his mom.

I tried calling several times, but there was no answer. So I drove him there and knocked on her bedroom window (midnight).

The thing is .. I see him so little as it is, and really look forward to our time together. Plus I have been criticized (in court) for bringing him back before.

But I don't really care what lawyers think (or say). And it's not about me, anyway. So when I could see he really wanted his mom, there was no question about what to do.

But now .. I am feeling very weird. A slew of confusing feeling are running around inside. Did I pay enough attention to him? Shower him with enough love? The thing is, you can *always* pay more attention to your kids, and you can always show them more love.

••• today's entry continues here below •••

We were down at the Wedge yesterday, watching the skim-boarders catch monster waves there. Where he seemed more independent than usual .. hanging out with the skim-boarders .. asking them questions about skim-boarding and talking to them. (Most people comment on his vocabulary.)

They were all very nice to him .. high-five'ing him after a great ride .. as I sat and watched. (My legs are a little sun burnt today.) Cracks me up to hear him say (to the skim-boarders after a ride), "That was so gnarly!"

He *did* say something weird yesterday. On our way to the park in the morning (shortly after I picked him up), he said, "Dad, when mom dies, I'll only have you, and when you die, I won't have anybody." Strange thing to hear coming from a 4-year old.

I replied, "Oh honey, mom and dad aren't gonna die for a long, long, long, long time. And by then you'll have so many friends that you won't even care."

Anyway, I am feeling very weird right now. I would like to talk to someone. I have 2 friends I can call any time, but it's after midnight, and I'm not going to wake them.

One thing that was noticeably different yesterday was that he jumped on the trampoline and hit baseballs waay better than he ever has before .. dramatically so .. made a quantum leap there. He has been jumping on the trampoline since he was 1 year old (most of his life). It's one of his favorite things to do.

It must be hard to go back-n-forth. My parents never divorced, so I have no idea what it's like. But for him .. that's all he's ever known. He is normally very positive about spending time with me and I pour everything I have into him.

I actually feel *good* about the fact that he wants to go back to his mom .. cuz that tells me she's treating him well. You might think I'd feel the opposite, but it bothers me when he doesn't want to go back (.. cuz it makes me wonder why).

The neighbor's cat is here with me .. Simon .. a black cat with green eyes. He's very affectionate and often sleeps at my feet. So I'm not alone. =) Life.

For more along these lines, here's a Google search preconfigured for the query » fatherhood visitation child custody parenting

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"Oh honey, mom and dad aren't gonna die for a long, long, long, long time. And by then you'll have so many friends that you won't even care."

I haven't raised a kid but I wouldn't say that. He's going to care when his parents die no matter how many friends he has. Don't make him think otherwise, even at 4.

Maybe it would be better to tell him that he'll be very sad, but stronger and able to take care of himself then.

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This page contains a single entry by Rad published on May 14, 2009 2:57 AM.

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