While sitting in the coffee shop this morning, still half asleep, I sipped my espresso and waited for the caffeine.
From the corner of my eye, I noticed a man walk in. Big guy. He carried a young boy, maybe 18 months old.
"Cute kid," I thought, recalling the days when the Bug was light as a feather.
The line this morning was long and slow. As I watched the bright-eyed boy, who was obviously comfortable in his dad's arms, he made eye contact and gently lowered his head onto his dad's chest.
Before I knew what happened, tears welled in my eyes. It was completely unexpected. Embarrassed, I scurried to regain composure.
Wasn't feeling particularly emotional this morning. Heck, I've actually been feeling pretty good lately. Perhaps, being half asleep, my defenses were not yet set.
••• today's entry continues here below •••
Yet even now, after pondering the incident, and after I've had time to consider my reaction, it's still difficult to trace the tears back to a cause I can 'feel'. I mean, the trail disappears behind a wall of denial .. which suks, cuz I thought I was was beyond that.
In other words, it feels as if I was moved (to tears) by the sight of a cute, young boy laying his head on his dad's chest .. and nothing more. Nothing personal.
So it appears I have compartmentalized parts of my life .. probably to prevent the painful parts from intruding upon daily aspects. Seems we do what we must in order to survive.
Like I said, I've been feeling good lately. Happy, upbeat. Heck, I still feel good. Healthy. But I've never had that kind of reaction before. And it was so sudden. (And so unexpected.) Which leads me to believe powerful emotions lie just below the surface.
But I can't tear up every time I see a young boy being affectionate with his dad. I mean, that would not be good. Some of my friends let me "play dad" with their kids, which helps.
