wrote Simone Weil. 
"Two things pierce the human heart,""Beauty and affliction."
It's always interesting to hear a quote that captures the essence of a notion we thought no one else could comprehend.
After picking up the Bug yesterday morning, he said (as I drove away), "I want you to be a dada and come inside momma's house."
Interesting how he objectified me with the phrase "a dada," (which he has never done before) as if he were somehow searching for a way to get me inside, or had learned to associated the idea of "a dada" with someone who "comes inside momma's house." (not a normal practice for me)
Talk about heart-wrenching. Like a conversely beautiful experience last month, his words went deep .. piercing just as I lowered my defenses.
Can't blame the little guy for wanting to spend time with both of the people who made him. My rock-climbing buddy, Tom, has a 7-year old daughter. He warned me these days would come, and described the (heart-wrenching) challenges they'd bring.
"Do you want me,"
I asked (trying to figure out where he was coming from), "to come inside and visit with you? Or with you AND momma?"
"With me *and* momma,"
he answered.
I normally stop by the library the day before I get the Bug. There I usually pick up a few new books, which I read to him throughout the week.
Occasionally I come across one showing pictures of children (or baby animals) lovingly surrounded by *both* parents. These I automatically reject (censor), cuz that's not his reality. And I don't want him to feel .. well, you know what I'm saying.
••• today's entry continues below •••
A week ago, he first asked me to come inside during a pick-up. This produced an awkward moment. As you might imagine, his mom doesn't want me to come in, nor have I any desire to do so. (Distance is, unfortunately, the only thing that seems to work for us.) But there's not much parents won't do for their kids.
It's hard to forget the picture of anguish that came over his face when he learned that this wasn't going to happen .. as if it meant a lot to him.
"Two things,"
it's been said, "pierce the human heart."
On a tangential note, some feel these are merely opposite sides of the same coin .. like pleasure & pain. Your ability to experience one -- the theory goes -- is directly related to (and defined by) your willingness to embrace the other.
I am no Yin-Yang-ist, but I understand the concept (» opposites complement each other). I never resist (feeling) pain. For I suspect that throttling one may (inadvertently) limit the other. "Affliction,"
I say, "my old friend. Welcome. What treats have you brought today?"
